Chaos is present in many forms in every person's life. It is stressful, exciting, time consuming and strange. Some people thrive in chaos. Others crumble and break. And most, walk the fine line of managing the chaos while still holding on to a normal schedule.
If chaos has been a part of your daily life for as long as you can remember, what happens when it stops?Could someone be addicted to chaos? And if so, is that a particularly bad thing?
A recent discussion got me thinking about this. My life has been a whirlwind of chaos. For years I moved from state to state, job to job. Just enjoying life and new experiences. There were periods of great joy and periods of great despair. And then, I started equating change with chaos. And equating chaos with bad things. And the downward spiral began. I would find a new place and have new experiences, and then I would get a desire to move on. Try something new. I would instantly begin to resent the time I was in and long for a new experience.
Somehow, I had told myself that in order for me to try new things or move forward, I had to HATE the life I was currently living. And one day I realized that that is completely ridiculous. I can appreciate the experience I had and move on to a new one. And there doesn't have to be anything wrong with what I left behind. It was there and it was good.
And then I realized, I know lots of people that think the same thing. Its crazy! I know people that are perfectly happy with their life, and yet when its time to make a change or have a new experience, they must be "unhappy". Why? Why would you jump right to that conclusion?
Life is about experiences. It is an adventure. And the desire to have more adventures is not unnatural. And it is also not an indicator that you are somehow unhappy with your life. I would argue that it is the exact opposite. Perhaps you are so happy and at peace, that you feel safe taking a risk. You feel supported.
So next time you get an itch to change your career, move to a new place or have a grand adventure. Don't assume you must be bored or unhappy. Take it as a sign that your happiness has reached a new level and that you are ready to learn something new. Because if you are done learning and experiencing new things, then what are you living for?
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
What are we learning from our kids?
I am the black sheep.
I'm used to it. I've been wearing this badge my whole life. The odd one out.
When I was a kid, my sisters used to tell me all manner of fibs and fairy tales about my early years. According to them; I'm adopted, I had my brains sucked out through a tube, boogers are parts of your brain that die and fall out, my mom only brought me home from the hospital so I could be a family servant and so on and so forth. (Quick side note: My mother was no help, since her nickname for me was Jenerella. And if I would have thought about it for a minute I would have argued that if my brains had been sucked out through a tube, how could I have boogers?)
I listened to opera at a young age. I enjoyed the ballet. I had imaginary friends. I thought I was a mad scientist. I held elaborate funerals for all of my fish. I was always coming up with new 'businesses' I could start. I used to put on full performances of rhythmic gymnastics on the trampoline. I was a strange child.
And although I was frequently picked on, I am thankful for what others may call eccentricity. I developed an imagination that continues to serve me well. I don't find it difficult to dream up new games for my students to play or to forget my to do list and just play a game of rock tag.
What I do find difficult is seeing a child that reminds me of myself. Kids are so grown up nowadays, that the kids that are imaginative and silly are often labeled as immature. How can you call an 8 year old immature like its a bad thing? Why would we, as adults, chastise a child for being...a child? That just makes us look dumb doesn't it?
The stupidest thing I've ever heard was an adult telling a child to 'grow up'. But only slightly less stupid was a child telling another child that they were 'some kind of weirdo' for asking if they wanted to play knights. Really?
So I decided this would not happen with my students anymore. I talked to them about role modeling and what it means to be a role model. I gave them 'buddies' that I knew they didn't get along with. I let them reward each other for being good role models. I required that every time the class went out of the room for anything, the boys must escort the girls arm in arm. I required that they give me a hug before they leave for the day. I explained the concept of consequences to them. And constantly reinforced the idea that when they choose an action they choose the consequence, good or bad.
At first, it was rough. I questioned whether this was really going to work, or if I was needlessly making my job harder. But after a couple of weeks, these things just became second nature to them. They took pride in being told they were being good role models. They tried hard to set a good example for their buddies and the other kids in school. The boys automatically took the girls' arms when it was time to leave the room.
It was like magic! And slowly but surely, the level of respect among them grew. And continues to grow. The 'strange' kids are strange no longer. We have our occasional rough day or slip up, but they are quick to adjust their actions in accordance with what they have learned.
So this begs the question, if we treat kids with the respect that we expect from adults, could they end up setting the standard for us?
I'm used to it. I've been wearing this badge my whole life. The odd one out.
When I was a kid, my sisters used to tell me all manner of fibs and fairy tales about my early years. According to them; I'm adopted, I had my brains sucked out through a tube, boogers are parts of your brain that die and fall out, my mom only brought me home from the hospital so I could be a family servant and so on and so forth. (Quick side note: My mother was no help, since her nickname for me was Jenerella. And if I would have thought about it for a minute I would have argued that if my brains had been sucked out through a tube, how could I have boogers?)
I listened to opera at a young age. I enjoyed the ballet. I had imaginary friends. I thought I was a mad scientist. I held elaborate funerals for all of my fish. I was always coming up with new 'businesses' I could start. I used to put on full performances of rhythmic gymnastics on the trampoline. I was a strange child.
And although I was frequently picked on, I am thankful for what others may call eccentricity. I developed an imagination that continues to serve me well. I don't find it difficult to dream up new games for my students to play or to forget my to do list and just play a game of rock tag.
What I do find difficult is seeing a child that reminds me of myself. Kids are so grown up nowadays, that the kids that are imaginative and silly are often labeled as immature. How can you call an 8 year old immature like its a bad thing? Why would we, as adults, chastise a child for being...a child? That just makes us look dumb doesn't it?
The stupidest thing I've ever heard was an adult telling a child to 'grow up'. But only slightly less stupid was a child telling another child that they were 'some kind of weirdo' for asking if they wanted to play knights. Really?
So I decided this would not happen with my students anymore. I talked to them about role modeling and what it means to be a role model. I gave them 'buddies' that I knew they didn't get along with. I let them reward each other for being good role models. I required that every time the class went out of the room for anything, the boys must escort the girls arm in arm. I required that they give me a hug before they leave for the day. I explained the concept of consequences to them. And constantly reinforced the idea that when they choose an action they choose the consequence, good or bad.
At first, it was rough. I questioned whether this was really going to work, or if I was needlessly making my job harder. But after a couple of weeks, these things just became second nature to them. They took pride in being told they were being good role models. They tried hard to set a good example for their buddies and the other kids in school. The boys automatically took the girls' arms when it was time to leave the room.
It was like magic! And slowly but surely, the level of respect among them grew. And continues to grow. The 'strange' kids are strange no longer. We have our occasional rough day or slip up, but they are quick to adjust their actions in accordance with what they have learned.
So this begs the question, if we treat kids with the respect that we expect from adults, could they end up setting the standard for us?
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