I am pretty easy going. But for some reason, the only thing that can really get me in a tizzy is when I mess up in the kitchen.
I can sit calmly through a fifteen minute subway ride that turns into an hour long trip. But if my scones don't rise properly, all hell breaks loose. Why does this happen?
My fiancee could care less if I mess it up. He always just encourages me to try again. I'm not selling these confections to anyone or giving them as gifts. So why do I care?
I wish I knew! So I told myself I was going to try a new recipe and NOT get upset if it went awry. And boy did it go awry! And I was using a bread machine! Its pretty much a no-brainer. As I sat waiting for the smell of fresh bread to waft through the house, Richard chimed in with "Do you smell smoke?"
DAMN!
I went to the kitchen and sure enough, smoke was billowing out of the back of the machine. I scrambled for the instruction manual. It was pretty close to an episode of I Love Lucy. Richard was trying to unplug the machine, I was telling him not to because we should consult the book. After I confirmed that the book said we should in fact unplug the machine, Richard pretended he hadn't already unplugged it.
Turns out I used a teaspoon too much yeast and the dough had overflowed onto the heating element. The bread looked like one of those volcanoes you make in elementary school. And I didn't freak out. I simply allowed the bread to cool, cleaned out the machine and started over.
But, crap! Had I missed my epiphany? How did I do that? What happened in my brain to keep me from freaking out?
Then I realized, I just understand that its a dumb thing to freak out about. Hmm. EPIPHANY! I am growing up! Its not some deep-seeded issue. Its just bread. And it is no big deal.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Positively irritating?
I have been hearing alot lately that I am too positive.
Yup. My name is Jennifer and I'm a positive thinking addict.
I have a philosophy that if all you focus on is what has gone wrong, then when you look back at your life that is all you will remember. We have selective memories. We can't remember everything. So why would you choose to remember mostly bad situations and feelings?
I won't do it. I am sticking with my addiction. I know that some people find it irritating that I am always trying to find the bright side, no matter how small. A friend once said to me "Can't you just say 'this sucks and I hate it?'" Of course! And I do. But what should my next course of action be? Wallow? Whine? What will that do for me? Will it put me on the path to recovery or happiness? Or will it spin me down into a woe is me attitude?
It may be harder to look for the silver lining, but aren't you worth the work? You get to choose how you feel. You cannot control other people and their actions/reactions. But you can and should take responsibility for how you act and react. Don't get me wrong, I am not claiming to be perfect. Sometimes I have trouble finding the good things about a situation. But I always get there eventually.
My past is riddled with heartache, trouble and misfortune. And it easily could have consumed me. It is easy to point fingers, place blame and give yourself up as unlucky. For years I spouted the phrase "I am so unlucky! I must have done something horrible in a past life to deserve all this bad luck."
But the hard truth is, you are responsible for the path your life takes. When you are given a challenge, it is because you need to make a change. It is because somehow you have strayed a bit from the path you are supposed to be on. And the only way back is to make the hard choice to salvage something good from the situation.
If you ran into a brick wall, would you try to punch through it, or would you find another way around? Trying to punch through requires alot of energy. And will it be worth it in the end? Or are you punching through a wall only to get to a pack of rabid dogs on the other side?
Take a step back and think about whether this is a self-enriching challenge, or a self-induced challenge. Self-enriching challenges bring you closer to your potential. They challenge you to make improvements to yourself in some way. But self-induced challenges are energy draining blocks in the road.
I know lots of people would say, you don't know MY life. You don't know what I have been through. You don't understand. But I do. And I'd be more than happy to compare battle scars. But only in the spirit of reminding myself how I used those scars to move toward a better life.
Next time you run into a challenge, think about whether this is an obstacle you may have put in your own way. And think about what you can learn from it.
I hope that this does not come off as preachy. It is merely an attempt to put some positive energy into the world. And to let you know that you are not alone.
Yup. My name is Jennifer and I'm a positive thinking addict.
I have a philosophy that if all you focus on is what has gone wrong, then when you look back at your life that is all you will remember. We have selective memories. We can't remember everything. So why would you choose to remember mostly bad situations and feelings?
I won't do it. I am sticking with my addiction. I know that some people find it irritating that I am always trying to find the bright side, no matter how small. A friend once said to me "Can't you just say 'this sucks and I hate it?'" Of course! And I do. But what should my next course of action be? Wallow? Whine? What will that do for me? Will it put me on the path to recovery or happiness? Or will it spin me down into a woe is me attitude?
It may be harder to look for the silver lining, but aren't you worth the work? You get to choose how you feel. You cannot control other people and their actions/reactions. But you can and should take responsibility for how you act and react. Don't get me wrong, I am not claiming to be perfect. Sometimes I have trouble finding the good things about a situation. But I always get there eventually.
My past is riddled with heartache, trouble and misfortune. And it easily could have consumed me. It is easy to point fingers, place blame and give yourself up as unlucky. For years I spouted the phrase "I am so unlucky! I must have done something horrible in a past life to deserve all this bad luck."
But the hard truth is, you are responsible for the path your life takes. When you are given a challenge, it is because you need to make a change. It is because somehow you have strayed a bit from the path you are supposed to be on. And the only way back is to make the hard choice to salvage something good from the situation.
If you ran into a brick wall, would you try to punch through it, or would you find another way around? Trying to punch through requires alot of energy. And will it be worth it in the end? Or are you punching through a wall only to get to a pack of rabid dogs on the other side?
Take a step back and think about whether this is a self-enriching challenge, or a self-induced challenge. Self-enriching challenges bring you closer to your potential. They challenge you to make improvements to yourself in some way. But self-induced challenges are energy draining blocks in the road.
I know lots of people would say, you don't know MY life. You don't know what I have been through. You don't understand. But I do. And I'd be more than happy to compare battle scars. But only in the spirit of reminding myself how I used those scars to move toward a better life.
Next time you run into a challenge, think about whether this is an obstacle you may have put in your own way. And think about what you can learn from it.
I hope that this does not come off as preachy. It is merely an attempt to put some positive energy into the world. And to let you know that you are not alone.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
I think you are thinking too much about thinking
'Five things you never knew your friends thought about you'
'What your clothes say about your success'
'How to market yourself to men'
According to these magazine articles, we're really not thinking enough about what everyone else is thinking.
It is not news that we are obsessed with what others think. Humans have always been a little vain. Hell, we created vanity. No other creature in the world even knows what it is. Gorillas don't eat less so their thighs look leaner.
But what happens when we care so much about what other people think that it affects major life decisions?
A conversation with a girlfriend of mine took a turn down this path. She is a fun and wild spirit. A self-described 'black sheep' in her well-to-do family. And she is entering what should be an exciting time in her life. She is considering purchasing a house. She loves the house. It is small and cozy and exactly what she wants. But she believes that her friends and family expect her to have a much larger, more expensive looking home. And all she could ask me was what would other people think about it. This decision in no way negatively affected anyone around her. But she could not get past what other people might think about her choice. The thought of any one person having a negative reaction had given her some sort of social paralysis. This house that she so loved had become a dirty little secret. She had not shown it to anyone.
I tried to convince her that it didn't matter what they thought because it was what she wants. And I could hear in her voice that she was thinking "My mom is going to hate it."
Our desire to be accepted is not unnatural. It is in our genetics. We are a communal species. But if other people's reactions to your choices are the meter for which your decisions are measured, then who is living your life?
Obviously, there is a difference between not caring what other people think about you and not caring how your actions will affect people. So let's be clear about this. I'm not saying to live your life with no thought of the feelings of others. But you must also understand that not every decision you make affects the whole world. And sometimes it's alright to gently hurt some feelings in an effort to better your quality of life. Chances are, in the long run, that the person you hurt will have a better quality of life as well.
You have to live with the decisions you make. I always tell my students, "If you choose the action, you choose the consequence." And that applies to good and bad decisions.
Will you be judged for the decisions you have made? Yes. Someone will always be there to judge.
Will you really care what other people think if you are happier? Probably not.
If you are living your life for someone else, when that person is gone, who will be left with the consequences of that decision? YOU!
'What your clothes say about your success'
'How to market yourself to men'
According to these magazine articles, we're really not thinking enough about what everyone else is thinking.
It is not news that we are obsessed with what others think. Humans have always been a little vain. Hell, we created vanity. No other creature in the world even knows what it is. Gorillas don't eat less so their thighs look leaner.
But what happens when we care so much about what other people think that it affects major life decisions?
A conversation with a girlfriend of mine took a turn down this path. She is a fun and wild spirit. A self-described 'black sheep' in her well-to-do family. And she is entering what should be an exciting time in her life. She is considering purchasing a house. She loves the house. It is small and cozy and exactly what she wants. But she believes that her friends and family expect her to have a much larger, more expensive looking home. And all she could ask me was what would other people think about it. This decision in no way negatively affected anyone around her. But she could not get past what other people might think about her choice. The thought of any one person having a negative reaction had given her some sort of social paralysis. This house that she so loved had become a dirty little secret. She had not shown it to anyone.
I tried to convince her that it didn't matter what they thought because it was what she wants. And I could hear in her voice that she was thinking "My mom is going to hate it."
Our desire to be accepted is not unnatural. It is in our genetics. We are a communal species. But if other people's reactions to your choices are the meter for which your decisions are measured, then who is living your life?
Obviously, there is a difference between not caring what other people think about you and not caring how your actions will affect people. So let's be clear about this. I'm not saying to live your life with no thought of the feelings of others. But you must also understand that not every decision you make affects the whole world. And sometimes it's alright to gently hurt some feelings in an effort to better your quality of life. Chances are, in the long run, that the person you hurt will have a better quality of life as well.
You have to live with the decisions you make. I always tell my students, "If you choose the action, you choose the consequence." And that applies to good and bad decisions.
Will you be judged for the decisions you have made? Yes. Someone will always be there to judge.
Will you really care what other people think if you are happier? Probably not.
If you are living your life for someone else, when that person is gone, who will be left with the consequences of that decision? YOU!
Thnx! U r gr8!
As I sit writing out almost 100 thank you notes, the voice of Charles Osgood gently bellows through the house. Watching the Sunday Morning Show is our little ritual. Coincidentally, they are discussing the lost art of thank you notes.
I have long been a believer in the power of the handwritten note. Doesn't it surprise you to receive one? Don't you secretly think to yourself, "Who has time for this?" Isn't your grinchy little heart slightly warmed by the thought that someone else was thinking of you?
So why is this tender, albeit tiny, gesture on it's way to extinction?
As one of my young employees recently explained, "You can just send them a text or something." Really? That doesn't seem like an equally thoughtful gesture. Yes, we have the luxury of an enormous array of communication systems at our disposal. We can let someone know right away what we're thinking, how we're feeling or that we can't be bothered. But that's just the problem.
Its not about you!
When your spouse sends you a text, that's nice. When they call to hear your voice, it's even better. But when was the last time they wrote you a letter? Wouldn't that be nice? Would it totally floor you?
The handwritten note is all about the idea that you are not too busy (or self-involved) to stop and do something for someone else. You're not shooting a text while you simultaneously buy eggs and read a tabloid.
A handwritten note is a teeny tiny sacrifice of time. And in this culture of instant gratification, isn't that a sweet notion?
I have long been a believer in the power of the handwritten note. Doesn't it surprise you to receive one? Don't you secretly think to yourself, "Who has time for this?" Isn't your grinchy little heart slightly warmed by the thought that someone else was thinking of you?
So why is this tender, albeit tiny, gesture on it's way to extinction?
As one of my young employees recently explained, "You can just send them a text or something." Really? That doesn't seem like an equally thoughtful gesture. Yes, we have the luxury of an enormous array of communication systems at our disposal. We can let someone know right away what we're thinking, how we're feeling or that we can't be bothered. But that's just the problem.
Its not about you!
When your spouse sends you a text, that's nice. When they call to hear your voice, it's even better. But when was the last time they wrote you a letter? Wouldn't that be nice? Would it totally floor you?
The handwritten note is all about the idea that you are not too busy (or self-involved) to stop and do something for someone else. You're not shooting a text while you simultaneously buy eggs and read a tabloid.
A handwritten note is a teeny tiny sacrifice of time. And in this culture of instant gratification, isn't that a sweet notion?
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