I think you are thinking too much about thinking

'Five things you never knew your friends thought about you'
'What your clothes say about your success'
'How to market yourself to men'

According to these magazine articles, we're really not thinking enough about what everyone else is thinking.

It is not news that we are obsessed with what others think. Humans have always been a little vain. Hell, we created vanity. No other creature in the world even knows what it is. Gorillas don't eat less so their thighs look leaner.

But what happens when we care so much about what other people think that it affects major life decisions?

A conversation with a girlfriend of mine took a turn down this path. She is a fun and wild spirit. A self-described 'black sheep' in her well-to-do family. And she is entering what should be an exciting time in her life. She is considering purchasing a house. She loves the house. It is small and cozy and exactly what she wants. But she believes that her friends and family expect her to have a much larger, more expensive looking home. And all she could ask me was what would other people think about it. This decision in no way negatively affected anyone around her. But she could not get past what other people might think about her choice. The thought of any one person having a negative reaction had given her some sort of social paralysis. This house that she so loved had become a dirty little secret. She had not shown it to anyone.

I tried to convince her that it didn't matter what they thought because it was what she wants. And I could hear in her voice that she was thinking "My mom is going to hate it."

Our desire to be accepted is not unnatural. It is in our genetics. We are a communal species. But if other people's reactions to your choices are the meter for which your decisions are measured, then who is living your life?

Obviously, there is a difference between not caring what other people think about you and not caring how your actions will affect people. So let's be clear about this. I'm not saying to live your life with no thought of the feelings of others. But you must also understand that not every decision you make affects the whole world. And sometimes it's alright to gently hurt some feelings in an effort to better your quality of life. Chances are, in the long run, that the person you hurt will have a better quality of life as well.

You have to live with the decisions you make. I always tell my students, "If you choose the action, you choose the consequence." And that applies to good and bad decisions.

Will you be judged for the decisions you have made? Yes. Someone will always be there to judge.
Will you really care what other people think if you are happier? Probably not.

If you are living your life for someone else, when that person is gone, who will be left with the consequences of that decision? YOU!