Tied down or tied together?

For so many years, I was some kind of gypsy. I would move to a city for some grand adventure (joining the circus, dancing in NYC, touring with theater companies, etc.) and after about six months or a year, the itch would begin. I would find some other place that I ‘needed to be’.

I did not own anything but clothing and a vehicle. The less I had the easier it was to pick up and leave. I rarely worried about furnishing or decorating where I lived. In fact, I once lived in Raleigh, NC without a single piece of furniture for six months. I slept on the floor. No air mattress for me. That’s just one more thing to move with me.

While this life was one that I truly enjoyed, I never felt ‘at home’. And honestly, I was alright with that for a long time. And then I fell in love; real, serious, grown-up love.

And that part of me didn’t die, it changed. I began to understand that the desire to up and leave was fueled largely, but not completely, by a need to escape. I could choose to see that as running away from problems, people, or situations. But what I really think is that I was running toward something. I am not the kind of person that has trouble telling people what I think or how I feel. I believe that when your heart tells you “this is not your path” then you have to listen.

It has never been an easy choice; choosing a new path. Someone always got hurt. Usually me, but not me alone. But as soon as I took the first step onto a new path, I could feel the weight lift. The steps became easier. And before I knew it, I was running.

When my heart led me to Richard, I knew that every good and bad decision in my life had led me right to this path. And I am grateful.

I admit, the itch to get up and go did strike. But it was different. Now I have this beautiful and precious person in my life. I do not feel tied down, but rather, tied together. There was a time when I thought; “If I do not get up and go right now then I am going to burst into a million pieces and I will never get them all back.” Now I feel like all those pieces are safe.  They are in good hands.

Now my desire to travel is fueled by a need to experience the world with someone that appreciates it in the same way that I do. When I want to go someplace, there is not a doubt in my mind who I want to go with me.